As the founders came up to the stage, smiling and waving, the audience around me erupted! People rose from their seats, cheering and clapping. This couple were responsible for turning around the health, and sometimes finances, of many in this audience. The air was thick with the energy of gratitude. Me? I couldn’t move. I was stuck to my seat. I sat on my hands even! Steel walls clamped shut around my mind and body. I was uncomfortable, to say the least and I was damn sure not going to allow myself to be pulled along by ‘mass hysteria’. I knew my history of gullibility. And this felt all too familiar…
***
This scene was at a conference recently, full of a Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) company’s distributors and customers. They were launching the health product officially in Australia, though it had been available for sale through the international network for a few years. Some Aussie consumers and distributors had already had great results for their health and wealth. The goal, I heard, was to reduce inflammation in the world, and to have financial success too. I was there because, after what I thought was a reasonable amount of random ‘study’ and ‘Facebook observation’ (nearly 2 years), I’d decided to sign up and take the product for my health. I had a glimpse too that perhaps if this turned out to be great for me, I could recommend it to others as a distributor and make some pocket money. But ONLY after I had my own testimony, was my idea.
This conference was my first step into the company, to ‘get a feel’ for it and the people.
Well, I certainly did end up having some feelings… Once again, as happened when I went to a Landmark introductory night a few years ago (mentioned in a previous blog), I was triggered. I felt at times unsafe. Anxious. Conversely, I met some really nice people and was also inspired by some research.
Here are the Founders!
Many of the people my husband and I met at the conference were truly genuine, and we did not doubt the health improvements and financial success of some. In some ways it was refreshing mixing with people that have a vision and drive. After moving into an over-50s ‘active’ resort, where most people really are over-70 retirees (false advertising at its best!), I’ve felt out of synch at times. I need to keep being creative professionally and generate an income. Maybe here I could grasp some energy and creativity to improve my health and create wealth? Perhaps replace my editing eventually…
But when everyone rose to cheer the international founders, I froze. Steel doors clanged shut around my mind and heart. I wouldn’t stand up and cheer people I didn’t know, as part of an emotional mob. I didn’t know this couple and so they didn’t deserve my cheers, yet. I wasn’t willing to give my heart away (even though I’d already given some money in buying product….in hope…).
I think the way the founders were cheered reminded me of how we Unificationists (Moonies) would cheer our Founders, Rev and Mrs Moon, when they came upon stage. These were our Messiahs, literally. I was once in a stadium of 20,000 members doing that at my mass arranged wedding. En-mass adoration can be exhilarating! Maybe my standing up and cheering days are over!
At the MLM event, soon distributors who had received higher ranks in the company, through signing up a lot of people and selling lots of product, were receiving awards. Again, there was more cheering as they came to the stage. But still I kept myself in check. Warning, Warning, Mr Robinson! As the awards kept getting handed out, I eventually walked out, I couldn’t take it. I sat down outside to have a cuppa and calm myself. I felt disturbed. Shaky. Definitely triggered. Almost angry…
This was too familiar to me. Too uncomfortable. And I felt conflicted as I wanted in a way this to be all about health and not wealth. (Mind you, what's wrong with wanting, or needing, money? I know I want more!)
Something else happened later that spurred me out of the room once again….
A higher ranking successful distributor gave guidance on the sorts of Facebook messages to send possible recruits they’ve friended on Facebook (e.g. wishing them happy birthday or asking how their week has been). This would get your ‘toe in the door’ to hopefully one day introduce the product – to help people’s health and maybe wealth. I felt sick. Again I left the room. I can’t even stand to hear churches I normally feel safe in talk about their university missions as it reminds me of the Moonies who prowled university campuses for gullible young students, like I had been.
In the Moonies, once we joined, and we were sent out ‘witnessing’ (recruiting) to find new members and bring them to the ‘Family’ and ‘New Truth’, we were encouraged not to tell them everything at once, that you can’t give meat to baby birds. You have to feed them little bits of ‘truth’ that they can digest first. Make friends with people. Show them you care. Don’t give them the whole teachings at once. Don’t say Rev Moon at first. And you know what? Members did care. They really believed they were saving people and did their best to love bomb people to draw them in. (Chocolate cake was a big draw card for me as a hungry student ha ha.) But the strategies, as explained, were often deceptive.
We’d fundraise for 'missionary work' – some members even saying it was for schools in Africa. In reality, some of the money stayed in Australia to fund our national church and the rest went to international HQ.
After many years, as a burnt-out member suffering depression (but who didn’t have the ability to just leave… yet), I finally refused to go witnessing. I would freeze. I couldn’t go out and present people with surveys or ask them to an international dinner or a philosophy talk. It felt dishonest. So I was the stay-at-home member who did the paperwork or cooking or played the piano (labelled the struggling member and feeling like a failure).
Today, I can’t listen to strategies to hook people in through relationship marketing, particularly like I was hearing at the conference. I was out of there. Definitely triggered. The poor lady who brought me into the company was wondering what’s going on with me.
(When I think about it, if I REALLY committed myself to selling these products, I have all the strategies I need in my brain. Just remember what we did in the Moonies!)
I'm not saying this MLM organisation was promoting deceptive practices. It's more about my reaction.
There were some incredible and sincere health testimonies as well. I was moved by people’s improvements or recovery from suffering. I felt they were genuine. But I left the conference feeling I am not ready to work this as a business. Not in any organisation actually and not following a relationship marketing model.
The 'humans' problem
The final night of the product launch week-end, we had a get-together at one distributor’s beautiful holiday apartment. Some lovely people shared their stories one by one around the group. In some ways I felt these were my sort of people. People who were share vulnerably and openly. But again I held back. Another part of me saw the similarities with my former 'religious' group / cult where we encouraged newcomers to open up, to create connection. We did this by sharing our own testimonies first. So I just could not open my heart that night (which actually was hypocritical of me, because even when I've had my own dinner parties at home, I would do exactly the same thing! Get everyone to introduce themselves and something about their life, to open hearts and make connections).
Eventually my new friend who introduced me to the product saw me a bit quiet. I was feeling sick as we hadn't had dinner yet and I was hungry, so she took me under her wing and made me a cup of tea. Another lady gave me a banana. Yes, I know what could be seen as love bombing, but it wasn't. It was genuine care. It would be so easy to be cynical about EVERYTHING when triggered. I have to just keep praying for discernment.
One person said she felt she’d found her family. And you know what, maybe she has… Society is so disjointed. Families are so broken, humans need connection. So if an MLM organisation can give somebody friends and connection and meaning, perhaps that can be good. Maybe it IS their calling but it’s not mine. I felt I couldn't risk it. I’ve been hurt enough. The Moonies were ‘my family’ for too long.
In one way this doesn't make sense, because I've delved into LOTS of different groups over the years - other MLMs, spiritual new age groups, Christian groups... I'd blend in, join in. Get a high... Did things beyond my initial comfort zone (e.g. ended up naked in Tantric Bodywork classes!). But my psychologist said now I am developing awareness and discernment. So in a way the triggering is good as it's forcing me to keep my eyes and mind open to potential unhelpful or hurtful things. To not fall simply into old habits of blindly following.
Funnily enough, I’ve read that ex-cultists are prime MLM candidates as the patterns are so familiar. Perhaps that was part of my initial attraction (and my desperation to solve some health issues). But the similarities to my cult life also scare me. Don't get me wrong. I think this product is great, and after having a little break while I processed all these emotions, I'm back on it. Still feeling hopeful. To give it a proper objective try. But I'm not comfortable with the business side, and don't have the energy. I think my 'thing' is working with words.
It's such a juggling act ... being open and loving and searching, yet having discernment and boundaries.
Fifty-nine years old isn't too late to learn all these lessons, is it?
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